First, I want to say, if you’re looking for a travel blog that expounds on the wonders of flying business class or first class and sleeping delicately upon my narrow twin bed in the sky, this is not that. If you want to be able to live vicariously through someone who travels in absolute luxury and routinely visits fancy airport lounges, I recommend you seek life elsewhere (j/k, please don’t go). Maybe someday when this blog makes me a millionaire, I’ll be that bougie bitch in the sky 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻, but for now, the spinsters fly economy (well premium economy on international flights…sue me).

Recently, my family and I traveled to Hawaii to celebrate the Golden Oldies’ 50th wedding anniversary. When I say the family, I mean the entire crew. The golden oldies (obviously), the spinsters, the married sister, BLB, my 5-year-old nephew, my almost 2-year-old niece, my brother, and my brother’s husband. Plus, we had the added bonus of seeing my aunt and cousin too! I will make additional posts about different aspects of this trip, but for today, we’re talking about United Economy Plus.

Given that we had the kiddos in tow, we decided to split the flights up so that they didn’t have to fly all the way from Washington D.C. to Hawaii in one day. There is not enough Ativan in the world that could have gotten our crew through that. So, we went DC to San Diego (hometown visit, yay!), and then San Diego to Honolulu two days later, and did the same thing in reverse on the way home. We got our flights to San Diego from Dulles dirt cheap for $195/person on United. Thank you travel alerts. Later on, our mom very generously treated the entire group to economy plus. Who was I to refuse such generosity? Here I was thinking, this will be great…leg room, snacks, extra recline, free alcohol, free checked bag, the sky was the limit. Spoiler alert, boy was I wrong.

We ended up spending $160/person/flight to upgrade our dirt ass cheap flights to economy plus. What did we get for that price? Like maybe 2 inches of leg room (I have not looked up the actual specs, but it didn’t feel like much). They say that we also got the “privilege” of sitting near the front of the plane, but seriously, just no.

You might be asking yourself, how did Kristin, the self-styled travel concierge, make such a grave error in judgment? Didn’t she do her research? Answer, not well enough. Generally, I am always right (obviously), but this time I thought I knew all the things when in fact, I did not know all the things. You can rest assured though, I learned my lesson and will never again rely on preconceived knowlegde, I promise you that. Anyway, I digress…

Friends, word to the wise, do not confuse United “economy plus” with United “premium plus” because they are NOT the same. Premium plus is available on their international routes and “some” long haul domestic routes. Dulles to San Diego apparently doesn’t rank. “Premium plus” gets you wider seats, extra leg room, a footrest, and maybe what would have been most appreciated on this flight, free booze. This was what I thought we were getting. It was not what we got. Honestly, I feel like I had as much leg room in my “economy plus” seat as I had on my subsequent Southwest flights in their MAX 8. There was no free booze, there were no additional snacks. In fact, all we got for the entire flight was a one-time choice between quinoa crisps and a Stroopwafel! Thankfully I was stocked with additional snacks because if not…let’s just say Hangry Kristin is a real bitch. Obviously, I’ve never met her, but I’ve been told!

The indignity did not stop there. We also had to pay to check our bags! You may or may not know this about me, but I’m like an expert level over-packer. Seriously, if over-packing was an Olympic sport, I’d have a case full of gold medals. So, while I wish I could be that person who can take a two-week trip with just a carryon, it is not in the cards. You will see me at baggage claim pretty much 100 percent of the time. So, yes, while “premium plus” may come with a free checked bag (or even two), “economy plus” does not.

Long story short, United economy plus is definitely NOT worth it. Save the money, sit your ass in row 26, and eat your stroopwafel while comforting yourself with the knowledge that you did not blow $160 to sit in row 11 with a little more legroom! I just have to say, sorry mom, I made the wrong choice. It won’t be happening again.