Last fall my cousin did me a real solid and got married in Scotland. I mean, she does live there, but she’s not from there. As someone who had to stay put in the hellscape that is a Washington DC summer for both my sister’s wedding and my brother’s wedding, a destination wedding was MUCH appreciated! On this trip, it was, for the most part, the spinsters and the golden oldies. My brother and his husband flew in for the wedding portion, but that was later in the trip. My sister and I had been to Scotland before, and loved it so, we were psyched to return. Since it was our second time, we took the opportunity to go a bit farther afield. My sister wanted to see Shetland ponies wearing sweaters, my cousin said skip it and go to Orkney instead. As a fellow eldest daughter, I trusted her judgment implicitly. We were not disappointed!

First and foremost, a small geography lesson. You might be wondering, where the heck is Orkney? Well, Orkney is an archipelago off the northeastern coast of Scotland. You might be thinking, eh, whatever. Well, stop it right now! Orkney truly has something for everyone. Archeological dig sites? Yup. Cool Viking stuff? Also yes. WWI and WWII history? You betcha. Epic landscapes for days? In spades. Shetland ponies in “jumpers”? Fuckin’ A, yes!

Did my Dad “misplace” his passport like 1000 times on our journey there? He sure did. Did my Mom forget where she put her phone just as often? Also yes. Did our plane from London break down mid-flight? Why yes, it did. If I had to go through all of that again just to have the chance to visit Orkney, would I? 100% yes. It was, in a word, extraordinary!

Quick Deets:

• We flew Loganair from London to Orkney, with a brief stop in Dundee. Even though our plane broke down, I would (and did) fly Loganair again.
• We booked a vacation rental instead of a hotel. We were a group of 4 and it turned out to be more cost effective to get a rental together rather than separate hotel rooms. We were right in the middle of Kirkwall (the largest “city” on the main island in the archipelago) and it was truly the perfect spot.
• We booked a private, bespoke tour. We were only there for two days and knew there was tons to see. We decided our best bet was to see it with an expert. It was 100% the right choice.

The tour: We booked our tour through Lizzie’s Orkney Tours (https://lizziesorkneytours.com). Over the course of two days we saw standing stones galore, a Neolithic (5,000+ years old) archeological dig site, preserved Viking runes, a massive church built to honor a sainted Viking, a chapel built by Italian prisoners of war out of Quonset huts and whatever they could salvage from sunken ships, coastal defense armaments from WWI and WWII, and just about the most stunning landscape you could imagine. We also tasted gin, saw hairy coos, learned about sheep, experienced a peat fire, watched playful seals, and got to know one of the most delightful women I’ve met in all my travels. We were completely entertained from start to finish, and there was not a second of boredom amongst anyone in the group. Even my Dad managed to only fall asleep once! Lizzie had so much knowledge and so many great stories, our trip to Orkney would not have been the same without her.

Fun extras:

• I ate a crumpet for the first time. You might know all about crumpets. I, however, had never had one. I can best describe it as a cross between an English muffin and a pancake. We just got the Co-op premade kind, but man, I’m a fan. I imagine that fancy bakery ones are even better. So, eat a crumpet.
• Orkney is apparently very well known for their cheese, cheddar in particular. We ate it, and it was delicious. 10/10 recommend.
• I learned that in Scotland, they eat their oatmeal, aka porridge, with cream. Honestly, it seems so ridiculous that I hadn’t tried this before, but it was a revelation. Scottish porridge with cream and berries turned into a staple breakfast for me on this trip.
• You might not know this, but my sister and I love gift shops. I mean, love love. We can hardly walk by one without stopping for a look. However, that being said, not all gift shops are created equal. Orkney, though, had some truly top-notch gift shops and I’m pretty sure we went to all of them.

All in all, we had a truly wonderful two days on Orkney. Other than the actual wedding we were in Scotland to attend, it was hands down the best part of the trip. So, are you going to Scotland anytime soon? Do yourself favor, book a tour with Lizzie, strap your ass into a seat on a Loganair flight (extra tight just in case), and take the time to visit. You will not regret it!